Love

Raise your hand if you’d enjoy more passion, esteem and deeper connections with those in your life. Well Elle can show you how to Love your life, your family, your career and most importantly YOU.

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The Guys, Girls & Love Show

As a Life Coach the subject of relationships is one that I have helped people with for many years.  My personal belief is that to have a full life you need a healthy body, a healthy mind, a healthy spirit with strong healthy connections to others.

Those that know my story know that I had to start my entire life over, 11 years ago with nothing but the clothes on my back.  What some don’t know is that all of my relationships were completely destroyed as a result of my terrible battle with alcohol and drug addiction.

But as I put the pieces of my life back together I made a personal commitment to learn how to restore relationships, in a variety of ways, so that I could regain the trust of the ones I loved, and also share those strategies with my clients and audiences around the world.

So now I bring you Guys, Girls & Love.  This is the show that restores the relationship road.  It’s designed to give you creative and sexy ways to communicate with those you love and teach you how to attract relationships that will continue to enhance your life.

The show is divided into four segments:

• The Traffic Report- In this segment I share odd and interesting observations that I have encountered during the course of my travels.
• Email Elle- This is the segment where I share emails from those that subscribe to “Be Fit, Live Rich” or people that have reached out to me from places like Facebook and Twitter seeking advice or sharing advice.
• Road Blocks- In this part of the show I address a problem that guys and girls get stuck with like jealousy, trust and passion.
• The Love Kit- This is the segment that gives you fascinating tools to overcome the road block of the day.

Guys, Girls & Love is a fun interactive program intended to take you on an entertaining and informative weekly ride.

“Why?”

Because love is a trip!

Guys, Girls & Love is a fun interactive program intended to take you on an entertaining and informative weekly ride.

Not Guilty

For over a decade, I had prayed for the moment that was finally here. And there was only one thing that could steal it from me. It robs parents who live with their children every day and it can especially rob working moms. What would he think? What would I say? Could I recognize him through the sea of strangers… through the storm of emotions swirling within me? No sunglasses today. No glam. Soul open. Heart pounding. It was time to face him, one to one, eye-to- eye. Through my tears and the airport window I could see the plane approach the gate. At any moment, my 15 year old son would walk through that tunnel. For the first time in his life he was coming to visit. And I knew I would have to rise above all Guilt.

Guilt is a paralyzing emotion. It steals our potential for success personally and professionally. As a International Public Speaker and Life Coach I have witnessed the detrimental effects that ravish individual lives as well as families. As a young woman seeking to make sense of the world in my early 20s, when I gave birth to my son, I witnessed the joy drain out of me the day I lost custody due to alcohol addiction. Guilt replaced that joy for many years. I know I am not the only woman who has needed to climb out from under the kind of self-destruction that led to losing my only child. Women like me live in silence and struggle to negotiate through our specific version of guilt… believing that there is nothing worse than being an absent mom.

Ironically, this same belief plagues mothers who simply have to work, sometimes long, hard hours, in order to provide for their children. I have learned and now teach, that in either case; guilt hijacks the life you and I both have the right to live. If we are to create what we want we really need to re-think the usefulness of guilt.

The agony of being absent is as personal as each mother’s relationship with her child. In my case, it showed up in the form of being 3,000 miles away. For another mother it shows up as dropping her newborn off at a daycare for eight plus hours a day. Some working moms feel even guiltier when they arrive home with extra work that makes them too busy to spend time with their children. As a result of the expectations of society, and even the portrayals of working mothers in the media, the feelings of guilt become even stronger.

I believe all mothers dream of having a work-at-home situation that will allow them to provide for and spend time with their children. Unfortunately, these situations can take some time to create. I know this from personal experience and with all the negativity out there, it can be difficult to move pass guilty feelings. However, there is research, for working mothers, which can help them transcend those emotions and focus on creating that exact situation.

The University of Texas conducted a study that I find helpful in working to design a better life for your family without guilt. They found that there is no solid evidence out there to show that children of working mothers experience emotional harm from being away from their mothers.

The researchers also found that:

• Infant development is not delayed when a mother works outside the home.
• A mother’s personality, including their beliefs and the quality of their parenting was more important than the amount of time spent with their child.
• Working mothers spent less time on household chores and leisure activities so they could connect with their children.
• Working mothers spent more time with their children on days off.

There were no differences in social behavior, cognitive ability and language development whether mothers stayed at home or worked.

I am a what I call “a different kind of mom.” I had to redefine the term “mom” in order to live in a place that would ultimately leave me and my son empowered. We would not have developed the self-esteem necessary to stand tall in this world if I felt sorry for us, and drowned in the guilt.

Here are three ways to handle guilt that can work for all mothers, near or far:

1. Develop & trust your judgment - Not trusting your judgment feels like you are moving forward and backwards at the same time. Make it a habit to take some action every day that demonstrates your commitment to getting better. For example, some days, I sent cards. Some days I called. Some days, I looked at his photo and prayed. The point is that action breeds success. It’s not about perfection. It’s about improving your ability to trust that gives you the ability to create the life you want.

2. Be honest with your children – Tell your children the truth about your successes as well as your struggles. In some ways my situation forced me to have to explain my mistakes many times prior to his visit. But, I have seen honesty work in amazing ways in the lives of my clients with less extreme circumstances. Honesty works because it helps our sons and daughters deal with their own imperfections in a more realistic manner. Trying to be a perfect parent is an equation for disaster. Children will learn much more by what you do when it matches what you say.

3. Have a parental vision for yourself - Make a decision about the type of parent you want to be. Use every action from that point forward to affirm your decision. Businesses use vision statements all the time so that when tough situations arise they can measure their actions against their larger values. For example, I knew we were apart but I decided that I would never use the distance as an excuse to ignore that I was his mom. My vision was to get my life on track and become a better person so we could be together again. The internal conflict that you feel as a parent is often the result of not having or following a parental vision. As long as you have a vision to follow, your guilt will be minimized if it is present at all.

Yoda Was Right…

Dear Reader,

Remember Yoda from Star Wars? In The Empire Strikes Back, that little green swamp-dweller turned out to be a wise and powerful Jedi knight. He told Luke Skywalker, “Do or do not … there is no try.”

I saw it again over the holidays and it got me thinking … have you ever tried to change something about yourself?

If you have, you’ve probably noticed making the decision wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was staying committed and actually doing it.

In 2000, I decided to get sober and change my life. To help commit to my decision, I thought about doing the same thing most newly sober people do … hang out with people who have the same amount of sobriety time as me.

Most “newbies” stick with groups of their peers. They share advice on how to handle life without the use of mind-altering substances. It reminded me a lot of high-school cliques. And I didn’t think it would work for me.

So I did something different.

I was so committed to changing my life that I decided to make friendships and connections with people who had been sober for 10 years or more. It made sense to me to find role models who proved they knew how to live without the crutch of addiction. And it worked.

In May of 2011, I will have 11 years clean and sober. And I attribute a great deal of my success to learning from my role models who already accomplished what I wanted to achieve.

Whether you’re looking to kick addiction, drop weight, find a new job, eradicate debt or remove yourself from a toxic relationship, choosing a role model who’s already done what you want to do is a fabulous decision. They can guide you through your quest for improvement and give you advice on how they handled the obstacles that fell into their paths, so you can have an idea of what you’re in store for.

Some other great ways to stay committed are:

1. Burn the ships by eliminating the option of retreat. Don’t give yourself a safety net. For example, if you’re trying to drop weight, give away all your “fat clothes.” Or if you’re trying to stop drinking, but are tempted because you always pass a bar on your way home … change you’re driving route. If you eliminate the option of going back to your old ways, you’re set for success.

2. Reward yourself for short-term wins. If you give yourself little rewards on your journey to improve your life, you’ll be more motivated to commit and continue. For example, if you’re trying to drop 20 pounds, reward yourself with a special gift for every 5 lbs. you lose. Some great ideas that won’t get you off track are clothes that make you feel good, or a trip to the spa for a massage and a little relaxing break.

3. Celebrate large victories. Staying committed and meeting your goal is a huge deal … so make sure you treat it like one! Take a vacation or throw yourself a huge party with your friends, family and coworkers to share your excitement and get positive reinforcement.

My Mentor and Role Model

Today’s Be Fit, Live Rich is dedicated to my mentor and role model. This woman has been there for me to guide and teach me the things I pass on to my clients and readers every day.

My Mother

I’m talking about my mother.

My mother is about to turn 61 – and let me tell you – she is just as beautiful, vibrant and energetic as she was when she was 30 years old. In fact, people often mistake us for sisters because she looks good and she gives off a youthful energy.

But not all people are like my mother. Many people, some as young as 30, fall into what I call the “senior citizen” mindset. And what that means is that as people get older, they start to believe they can’t do the same things they used to do … or experience new things simply because they think they’re “too old.”

But this is simply not true.

Age is just a number representing how long you’ve been on this earth. It does not define who you are or what you’re “allowed” to do or what you’re capable of.

Take my client Jody, for instance.

For her 60th birthday, Jody decided to conquer her fear of heights by walking on a tight rope more than 200 feet in the air. There was nothing holding her up but a harness and two waist cords – not even a net. She was afraid, but she was also determined. And before she knew it, she was across the tight rope and filled with an indescribable feeling of joy and accomplishment. She later told me she felt invincible, like her life was just beginning.

You can experience these feelings, too.

Right now I want you to think of something you’ve always wanted to do, but think you can’t because of you’re “too old.”

Got it? Good.

Now I want you to do one more thing. MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Don’t think of yourself as getting older; think of every day as a new chance to experience excitement and as another opportunity to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Stay away from the “senior citizen” mindset no matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 80. You have the right to do what makes you happy whether it’s jumping out of an airplane, surfing, taking a pottery class, visiting an exotic destination – or walking a tight rope.

Remember, age is a number. It doesn’t define who you are.